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Friday, October 31, 2003
Ahh dunno anyone still reads my blog! I think only 1 girl does ;). And I'm very happy and appreciate it that u read it. If u are still reading it of course ;). Today rain very heavy. A lot of people fall sick today, so better take care of yourself. Ahh I have learn so many new things this week. I hope to share it with everyone soon
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:37:00 AM
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
RESULTS:
Your IQ score is 138. A person whose IQ score falls in the range of 129-143 is considered to be "highly intelligent".
Your IQ score is based on your scores across 12 distinct aspects of intelligence. Like everyone, you have a unique intellectual makeup, with strengths and weaknesses that affect your methods of understanding, communication and relating to others. According to your results, your greatest intellectual strength is Processing Speed.
Very tired today run around whole of singapore
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:14:00 AM
Monday, October 27, 2003
Ah today went orchard buy things. Then saw Luna and Ah Bi. So very long never see ah bi, she look so different. Haha she never come say hi to me. Must be shy. I also never say hi to her! Then they all go and get LMF autograph.
Haha today rain a lot. Feeling sick. The Xe'Lest i think or something, today also there. Then WAH. She is very friendly person. From her looks at first think she is very fierce quiet and scary person. But i think she is very friendly and can chat very well. Hmm learn something again. Cannot judge people by looks HAHA
Akane just send me pictures of saturday. Hahaha quite nice the pictures!
OMG I AM LISTENING TO YUGIOH SONG AGAIN! I ADDICTED. I FEEL LIKE
YU
GI
OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to jam YUGIOH!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA PUT ON MD PLAY WITH SONG! YU GI OH!
Todoketai todokanai kono omoi o
Karamawari shita mama no boku no jounetsu
Yomi-kirenai zasshi no PAGE
Yomanakucha ikenai ki ni naru yo
Fueteiku TEREBI no CHANNEL
Zenbu minakya okurechau no ka na
Okashi na yume mirunda ie no mae no kouen de
Kimi ni nageta BALL ga tochuu de ochichaunda yo
Heya no sumi tsumareta GAME-SOFT
Yaranakucha imi ga nai no ka na
TABLE no mukou no kimi ni shaberi kaketeiru no ni
Kimi wa hyojou hitotsu kaete wa kurenai
Konna ni chikaku ni boku ga iru no ni
Todokanai todokanai kono omoi o hontou ni taisetsu na koto nanika na
Nanda ka dareka ni ayatsureteiru mitai
Kokoro wa hontou ni boku no mono na no
Kikoenai todokanai kimi no koe ga zattou ni saegirare kiete shimau
Nanimokamo ga yugandeiku
Nanimo shiranai kokoro ni modoretara ii no ni na
(0) So Waddaya Think!
8:39:00 AM
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Oh yeah, today left with no choice. Quit irc Quit msn Quit icq. Time to force myself to work. I DOWNLOAD ALL OF YUGIOH SONGS! I MUST LEARN TO JAM AND MUST FIND PEOPLE WHO WANT TO JAM THE SONGS!!! THE SONGS ARE DAMN NICE!
Love is 2 ways, i cannot find love if i keep on giving and giving and giving. And i dun expect anything in return. That is why i think i will choose not to be in love. Happy friendship is still the best. Can give and give and give and not expect anything in return. And I wun feel bad or sad also, cause i dun expect anything in return! Haha. I doubt i will find anyone who is able to love me more than i will love them anyway. So i give up searching. My heart too big!
I decide to make everyone happy. Haha see everyone so excited about playing game yesterday. See edmund so excited and gian of playing old games. See wenjie, tabe, edmund gian play AD&D again. Hahaha all the excitement and adrenaline in their eyes. I can feel it in me also. All the energy of joy! And see Luna's eye light up. Big big doll doll eyes light up yesterday. I finally become her friend and i can feel comfortable just being friends liao. And she can feel comfortable just being friends also. Friends! I have friends in this world.
Haha i have learn something new today. Is a way to extend my love and extend my kindness. To use my love and kindness to heal other people wounds. To help people recover in their life. I swear i will help u get better again. Make your life full of beautiful things again. ;D
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:17:00 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Haha friday saturday sunday... Finally get back in touch with my teacher... Got so many questions to ask and so many things to learn. About everything around me. Dun know why... Deadline is monday, but i just can't get myself to do my work. I see the project. I know what to do i know how to do it. but i can't get myself to type it out. I just don't want to do it. I dunno why... My mama says i lost my motivation. I am not motivated enough to work for it. Maybe its true. I feel like slacking already. Work so hard in the end is only money. And my money cannot buy the things i want. Have the money for what? Save lor i guess.
Ah, today I want to sleep liao. HOW CANNOT DO MY WORK. Someone needs to push me and force me to do the work.
Oh yeah and I only thought about going back to jam with them. I dun know if i'll join them again, but i hate jamming with my ex vocal. He is too self centered about his vocal skills. And he thinks the band revolves around him. Other than that, I dun have any other grudge against him liao.
My teacher say... That special place that you've been dreaming of, leads you to a lonely place, find your strength in love. Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all. Haha she quote from a song. Ask me to remember and loving yourself... Is actually the greatest love of all. At least I still love myself. If I dun find love elsewhere~
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:38:00 AM
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Today my head very pain! Like going to explode. Want to go and sleep already. So much work to finish... End of this week is coming~!~!~!
Today meet jason junbing and MAX! They haven find a drummer yet... I wanna go back and jam with them. But no more deg pls.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
11:12:00 AM
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Deadline postpone to end of this week... Damn sian. My heart feels very empty
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:59:00 AM
Monday, October 20, 2003
----------____-----------
OMG i do it for 150. He cannot pay that much! ;( 1/2 the price. And i have to work on it some more today to solve a few problems. AND I HAVE ANOTHER BIGGER PROJECT DUE ON WEDNESDAY. But i haven't even finish half of this one. Ji pai siao liao. I hate to work so hard. Work so hard for nothing. I want someone to care for me. !!!!!!!!!
(0) So Waddaya Think!
10:47:00 AM
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Wah so long never update my blog already. Doing some shit project that have to submit this weekend. And now this guy dun want to pay me _!_ him. I spend my friday saturday and sunday morning do for him sleep so little. KNN i hate this kind of work. Next time dun care what must sign contract before i take on the jobs. And the worst thing is its only 300 dollars. CB. For 300 dollars is not worth it lor. Next time if the projects are not 4 digit. I wun do liao. Waste of my time. Sibeh dulan.
Luna lost her handphone. She looks very sad leh then her brother i think is very angry with her and got scold her. Ppl lost handphone liao... Will very sad you know? Some more go and scold them, never go and an wei... Not the right thing to do lah huh?
Damn sian...Quite some time never go out and ton liao.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
4:33:00 AM
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Ok first off i want to say that porn is bad. Why? Because it is like drugs and alcohol... Once you get addicted to it, you can not stop. So dun do porn if u can't stand drugs or alcohol. And to the next person to tell me that u dun believe i dun do porn. I dun care what the hell you think either.
But i dunno. 2 times i like a girl go out with the girl. Get very close with the girl. But we dun end up being together. The most we become is friends. Why? Because i dunno how to electric eyes them. Because i dunno how to have chemistry. Maybe is because i dun do porn until my these kind of things... I also never learn how to do. But no, i will still not do porn!
I talk to my sister a lot... She tell me dun worry. The people i like are too young. Not looking for those that are looking for long term relationship. Those really serious one. She tell me that I can be quite boring when going out, cause i take her go out many times and she tell me that >_<. But she know about the gers i like. And she know i am very good to them. She say that I not the fun type but i am the other kind, for ppl who want to settle down and to be take care of for the rest of their life. She tell me dun worry. Cause when ppl grow up they will see it.
But how can i not worry? I already 20 and i see some of my friends in ns. Come out going to be married. And i not yet even have a girlfriend yet. A serious one. Kind of makes me feel that i am missing some things in life.
Maybe i can only take care of people and i can only be a friend. Nothing more. I am not born to be loved but born to love others. That is my fate. Maybe i should not fight my fate but accept it. I read something from forum again today. Kind of makes me feel how true it is. Makes a lot of sense for me...
[Quote]
I'm widely seen by my friends as a sweet guy, a good person, someone with a pure heart. But I'd rather be hot and charismatic than good. The world isn't designed for good people, it's designed for horny and greedy people, and I wish I could just act only for myself, instead of trying to do the right thing.
[/Quote]
(0) So Waddaya Think!
2:14:00 AM
Monday, October 13, 2003
Today read the newspaper.
Girl 12 years old first abortion
13 years old 2nd abortion
14 years old mum.
I read this newspaper... My whole mood sian 1/2. Why in the fucking world got something like that happen? Some more her brother try to rape her when she is 10 years old. And always get beaten from brother and sister. Why in the fucking world got these kind of things happen? If my sister 12 years old get abortion. I confirm slap her until she wake up. I confirm find the guy who did it and make him suffer. Happen in singapore some more. Fuck... I read this news. I go give my sister warning. Why? Fucking news leh.
Recently very easy to become angry and very easy to become sian. Cannot keep up with my happy attitude. Everything become very chaos around me. Everything become very messy. Maybe i should spend some time like last time. Take 1 month stay away from the ppl in irc stay away from outside world and quiet myself for 1 month.
Everything resulting around me is my fault. I only know how to make people happy. But that is not love that is not correct. I also dun want to figure out how to do this right already. Maybe i just need someone who understands me.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
4:01:00 AM
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Very sian... I try very hard. Really try very hard... But in the end is still the same. Why i really that dumdum meh? Cannot win her heart. I that sux? why?
(0) So Waddaya Think!
6:40:00 AM
Friday, October 10, 2003
Ah the weekend again. So fast. Time surely flies by. Going to graduate in less than 1 month. Then will have all the time in the world to work to do the things i want. Sian why do I have to act strong in front of other people. Why do i have to work and prove to the world. I am a simple person. I dun like difficult things. I dun like my life to be so complicated. If only everything is so simple...
Sian... I think people are made to do something good. And i am teh suck at finding friendship and a partner. All i want is to find someone who i can be happy with. That too much to ask for i guess. Maybe jason is right. Some people are meant to be lonely forever. I also won't fight fate liao. Always lose.
Dunno why i keep having negative attitude.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
4:24:00 AM
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Today listen to jay zhou jie lun -- Qing Tian . Haha nice song... good lyrics. Some sort of what i am feeling. And some sort of what i am scared of. Waiting and waiting and in the end is a bye bye.
Ahh today raining and in the office so cold. Think i falling sick le T.T But still have to work tomorrow. So much work to finish...
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(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:37:00 AM
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Today take off day~! Early in the morning go jurong for meeting with a client. SO sian rain so heavy make me want to sleep and so cold in the office T.T Then after that go to see my hair stylist. She not there, and not coming back until end of the year. Then move place le~ Damn means no dye hair and no cut hair until next year! Nothing to do, spend the rest of the day at qiao ling work place. Haha quite fun place. Maybe drop down once in a while should be fun ;D. Evening went for final driving theory. Dunno can make it or not. T.T Sianz already. Everyday is just going by...
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:57:00 AM
Monday, October 06, 2003
Haha! Today talk a bit to my ex on msn. She not going to take her exams. She quarrel with her parents and is very angry. Talk about a lot of things, she want to stop studying want to quit school, want to run away. But I really hope is only things she is thinking of doing... But won't be doing. Sometimes... Being too fierce as a parent is also not good. I must keep this in mind when i become a parent next time. To teach by example and to teach with encouragement. Not scolding.
Well i see she is very sad and all. I dunno you still read this or not... But anyway you owe me 1 wish. A wish upon a star u owe me for more than 1 year already. Last time thought of using this wish to ask you patch with me. But then I don't want to use this wish for useless things. So i wish you will give school another try and do well next year...
Ok now is time for my story! Today at work help the company client to convert a video tape to vcd. After working there so long then i finally know that they got the things to do that there. WTF! Time to bring all of the live and convert to vcd! Tmr bring first batch! mwahahahahahahaha!!! I slow down and think already. After i have relaxed my work and start to let someone into my life... I have lost a lot of client and lose a lot of big deals. But then i think... Its worth it, cause some things... Money cannot buy
(0) So Waddaya Think!
11:08:00 AM
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Cannot sleep le... Whole night toss and turn. See you cry and not being able to be the one to comfort you, not being able to do anything. That feeling is the sucks. What can i do...
(0) So Waddaya Think!
7:57:00 PM
Friday, October 03, 2003
Went to work, do quite a lot of stuffs. How what must i do? I want to throw everything down again and work 100% again! Forgotten. I have forgotten everything already. Now time to work again pls work again!!! Dun care liao ok? Yc work hard ok? You can make jokes and laughs at yc! But yc will only remember those that stand with him both physically and emotionally. So make all the fun you want ;D But dun regret it when he does not support you when the time comes. GG to you then... GG thx no re!
I also duno what to write about. Sit at the bus stop look at the rain today... Stare at the moon. I think i have been doing a lot of things wrongly. I must learn from my mistakes and not make them again. The rain drops is quite... Makes me very sad. See a lot of couple share umbrella so... heartwarming. Quite some time never experience that feeling already. To have someone appreciate your kindness. And warm your heart.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
11:19:00 AM
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Okay i have make up my mind again. I am not born to be a waiter. I dun think i'll be finding a ger anyway. Well if I am not going to have that special one in my life. So fine, then i treat everyone equally. And gf > work > friends > anything else. So since i wun be having a gf. I'm gonna resume totally commited to my work. How am i gonna cope with my stress? I dunno. Maybe my mind will give way to the stress someday. Heh dun say i din try. I did try to give myself 1 shot 1 chance at life again. Try to put something above work. But i guess it doesn't work out.
Resume busy schedule tomorrow. Ok time's up 0 time for idle chat. Sleep early Work early... Get my body back in shape for crazy work hours and crazy workload. No downtime... Please give me strength to pull through and work again... *pray*
(0) So Waddaya Think!
9:52:00 AM
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Why do i work so hard? Why do i make dsd site for free? Why do i give free tuition to my friends? Why do I help people do their work and get no pay? Why do i help people do their work and get half or less than half the pay? Why do I help people to achieve their dreams? Why am i not surf pr0n not drink beer not smoke? Why do I apologise for things i dun do just to let everything be ok again? Why do I not get angry when someone should totally piss me off? Why do I feel like vomiting? Why am i even asking all these questions?
I need a way to destress. Used to hang out with luna and the rest of the shoxx people. That kept me destressed till the day she said "stop it". After that i havent really been able to really destress myself. I think the accumulation of stress has brought about my inability to sleep, lack of appetite, crazy mentality and degrading of myself. Hell i try to be the "best person" doing things that are what people say "right". I devote all my life and all i got to helping my friends. For free. Am i crazy? I could have made a lot of money if i charged per effort I give. If i didn't spend all those money making Luna happy... and all those money when i was with my ex. Hell god knows what i can buy now. Spending on Luna and making her happy was not even close to what i spent when i was with my ex.
I used to think that making people happy, putting their burden on my shoulders. Seeing my friends succeed with me and seeing the people i love... Smile. That used to make me happy. Used to be able to make me go on. But now the way i see it... After all that i've been through. I'm still not happy. I am not angry or sad either. Just not happy. I dun smoke, i stop playing arcade, i stop playing drums, i dun drink, i... WTF i dun do anything. Maybe i should go clubbing this weekend. Get myself drunk and relax myself to the music. And maybe get myself totally drunk that i forget all these things in my head. I got to some way or another.
(0) So Waddaya Think!
4:11:00 AM
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